


Glimmer Of The Harvest

by AceOnIce



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is Jonathon Shadowhunter reincarnated, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Alec Lightwood, BAMF Magnus Bane, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fictional Religion & Theology, Grieving Magnus Bane, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Reincarnation, Souls, Temporary Character Death, Whump, so much hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27421207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceOnIce/pseuds/AceOnIce
Summary: When Alec is kidnapped and killed, it's up to Magnus, Jace, and Izzy to find and save Alec's soul before he's gone for good.ORSaying goodbye is hard, but it's not as permanent as it seems.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 40
Kudos: 189
Collections: Favorite Malec Stories





	Glimmer Of The Harvest

**Author's Note:**

> So... warning for lots of feelings. Alec dies and then his soul has to leave so like... lots of emotions. I apologize in advance and offer a happy ending.
> 
> Title is a poem by Jeda Pearl about death. It seemed fitting.
> 
> All the thanks to Myulalie and Lalelilolu for betaing help!!

It’s a common saying that if someone’s been missing for over forty-eight hours, they’re probably dead.

They find Alec only nine hours after he disappears from the Institute. Nine hours that stretched on in a blur of panic for Magnus. It had taken twenty minutes to ask Maryse to watch Rafael and Max and to portal her to his loft. It had then taken him an additional ten to kiss them goodbye and portal himself to the New York Institute where he had spent the remaining eight and a half hours attempting to track Alec. It’s at hour nine when they manage to track Alec to an abandoned warehouse on the border of New Jersey. 

Magnus sends a quick flash of magic through the two-story building, checking if anyone’s still there, but he comes up empty. His stomach twists when he realizes Alec’s energy signal is missing as well. He can’t help glancing at Jace who has his hand over his parabatai rune, as if using it as a reassurance. 

“He’s not here,” Magnus states, trying not to let his frustration and worry seep into his voice. Isabelle glances at the shadowhunters behind them, their backup. 

“Search the place, see if they left anything behind, anything we can use to track them.”

Magnus pulls off his wedding ring again, dipping into it with a pinch of magic to trace the connection he’d established between his ring and Alec’s. It should take him right to Alec- knowing Alec would never take his ring off willingly. The spell tugs him deeper into the warehouse.

“We found something!” A voice calls from up the stairs, the same direction Magnus’ spell is pulling him in. He glances at Jace and Isabelle before all three of them speed up the stairs, in the direction of the voice.

Magnus doesn’t even make it through the doorway before his stomach is twisting at the sight in front of him. 

Alec’s body is sprawled on the wooden floor, drained of any color, body limp, eyes wide and unseeing. 

There’s no sign of what had happened, no visible injury, no blood around him, the only bruises are those around his wrists from being tied. The room is empty of everything but a chair and a bit of rope, runes drawn on the walls and floor.

Magnus hears Isabelle’s panicked gasp, but pays it no mind, rushing to his husband’s side, checking for a pulse, praying he’ll find one. 

Magnus’s heart shatters when he can’t feel a heartbeat. He sends out his magic, desperate, to find any source of life in his husband- only twenty nine. Too young. Far, far too young. He finds nothing. 

“No, no, no,” spills from his mouth as he gently lifts Alec’s head onto his lap, pressing his eyes closed. Tears threaten to fall from his own eyes as he cradles Alec in his hands, trying to wrap his head around the way his entire world has just shattered. All of his plans for the future they were supposed to have turning to dust. 

He’ll never again get to hold Alec in his arms and feel Alec holding him back. He’ll never get to place his head against Alec’s chest just to listen to his breathing. He’ll never get to have another lovely conversation with the man who had captured his heart and souls so effortlessly. No more little smiles or unwavering trust. No celebration for their 5th wedding anniversary- much less their 10th or 15th. Alec won’t get to see their sons grow and find loves of their own. He won’t get to retire and move to a beach town with Magnus to spend the rest of his days in peace.

All of those plans so suddenly _gone,_ ripped from their hands in a matter of minutes.

“I don’t get it, my rune hasn’t disappeared,” Jace exclaims, kneeling beside Alec’s body. Magnus can’t pull his eyes away from his very dead husband, but he does perk up at hearing that. It’s not quite enough to reassure him, but it ignites a spark of hope.

“What does that mean?” He asks, fighting to keep his voice from shaking as he brushes Alec’s hair from his unnaturally cold face.

“I don’t know.” Jace sounds just as miserable as him.

“Jace, look.” Isabelle has knelt on the other side of Alec’s body, very clearly avoiding touching him, as if she can’t bear to. She’s pointing at a rune drawn on Alec’s right wrist, somewhere he wouldn’t have been able to draw it himself. It’s not a rune Magnus recognizes, but Jace’s sharp inhale suggests that he knows what it means. 

Magnus hopes beyond hope that this is a good sign, that somehow Alec might still be alive, might come back to them. He scans the rune again, racking his brain but coming up empty.

“What is it?” Magnus asks through gritted teeth, frustrated by his lack of knowledge. 

“It’s…” Jace trails off, exchanging a look with Izzy that doesn’t go unnoticed by Magnus. “It’s a rune the Clave forbid the usage of- over a thousand years ago. It was taken out of all the books and studies, but everyone knows it.”

That certainly doesn’t sound good, but Magnus can’t imagine how much worse it can get than having a dead husband. “Why?”

Jace goes silent, lowering his head, clutching Alec’s limp hand in his own. He whispers something that sounds like a prayer. It’s not what Magnus is used to hearing when a Nephilim dies. It’s not _ave atque vale_. Somehow that worries Magnus more than if it had been. There’s more desperation in Jace’s voice, more pain.

“It forces a soul from a body,” Izzy says, voice deceptively calm. “It was a punishment in the olden days where the Clave would force a soul out, thereby killing the physical body, and capture it or even- even destroy it.” 

Magnus tenses as panic seeps through him, numbing his devastation for the moment. As far as he’d known, souls weren’t even a proven thing, but the way Izzy talks about them makes it seem like concrete knowledge shadowhunters have. That Alec indisputably had a soul. Magnus swallows hard. “They killed him by forcing his soul from his body?” 

Magnus thinks he’s going to be sick. It sounds beyond painful. He can’t imagine how Alec must have felt. He’s shaking with the desire to find the shadowhunters that had done this and burn them alive. _Slowly._

“I think so. But they still have his soul- or the parabatai rune would have disappeared,” Izzy says slowly, like she’s piecing together a puzzle. “They haven’t destroyed it yet. We need to get to them, we need to save him.” 

Magnus doesn’t see what that matters when Alec is already gone, but before he can ask, Izzy shoots up, already shouting orders at the other Nephilim in the room. There’s panic in her voice, but her words are firm, her leadership expertise apparent even now. “Jace, you need to track it, use your rune, track his soul.”

“I’ve never done that before,” Jace says slowly, still clutching Alec’s hand. “I don’t know if it will even work.”

“You have to,” Izzy says with no room for argument in her voice. “We can’t let them destroy it, you know what that would mean. We would lose him.”

Jace nods and stands, stepping away. “I can’t do it here.”

“What would it mean?” Magnus asks as Jace leaves the room. He can’t yet find it in him to leave his husband- even if it is just his empty body, his soul being held captive elsewhere.

Izzy doesn’t answer and when Magnus forces his gaze to her, he finds a mixture of sorrow and terror in her eyes. 

“Isabelle,” he nearly growls out. “What would it mean? What do they want to do?”

She looks down at Alec’s body. “We don’t have time to go into it now, not the way you deserve to know. But just trust me. We failed to find him in time, we failed to save his physical body,” she pauses, swiping angrily at teary eyes. “But we can still save his soul _._ We need to move. Now.”

Magnus still doesn’t feel like he has enough information, the urgency in Izzy’s voice speaks for itself. He leans down and presses one last kiss to Alec’s forehead before creating a portal. He has to force himself to gently set Alec down and step back. “Get someone to take him to the Institute. We can have the funeral later.”

He swallows back the emotions those words stir in him. He wants nothing more than to go home, hug his children tight, and hide under a blanket until his heart stops hurting. But there’s work to be done. He’ll do it- for Alexander.

Izzy has a couple Shadowhunters take Alec through the portal, Magnus turns away before he can see them lift the body. He can’t handle the way Alec is so limp. Instead he finds Jace in the hallway. The Nephilim has a hand pressed to his parabatai rune, eyes squeezed tightly shut. He’s clearly concentrating hard so Magnus passes him and leaves the warehouse. He needs the fresh air and the nip in the wind is grounding. The sun is barely beginning to peak over the horizon.

“Hey, if you can’t do this, we can do it alone.”

He turns at the sound of Izzy’s voice. She looks smaller outside, when she’s not commanding a battalion of warriors, her face lightened by rays of early morning sunlight. It reminds Magnus of the way Alec softens when he’s at their loft, with their children, with Magnus. His next thought is that he should’ve put that in past tense and it rips through him like a freshly sharpened blade. 

“I’m going with you.” 

She nods, like she hadn’t really expected anything else. 

“What do they want his soul for?” Magnus asks, fiddling with his wedding ring, thinking of his husband, captured and wrenched out of his own body and at the mercy of malicious shadowhunters. 

“A pure Nephilim soul is needed to summon an angel. I’m guessing none of their own qualified and they decided to use Alec’s. Of course he would never willingly sacrifice himself and getting rid of his body was the easiest way to force him into compliance.” She sounds oddly detached, but her arms are wrapped around herself. “His soul is vulnerable now.”

Magnus clenches his jaw, letting red magic spark at his fingertips when he can’t hold back his anger any longer. His mind is spinning with thoughts of what might happen to Alec, what might go wrong if they can’t get there in time. He’s already let Alec down so fantastically, he can’t bear to let that happen again. He needs to save whatever’s left of Alec.

Thankfully, that’s when Jace storms out of the warehouse. “I’ve got it. Let’s go.”

Izzy rounds up the rest of the shadowhunters and they’re off, desperate and ready to fight. 

Magnus doesn’t expect to end up at an elegant mansion, but there’s a circle rune curved into the door that confirms that this is the place they’re looking for.

“He’s in there,” Jace confirms. 

Magnus doesn’t need more than that to send a powerful blast of magic that knocks the door in with a loud bang. He doesn’t care much for a surprise attack. 

There’s a circle member near the entrance, clearly meant to be the lookout, but they overpower him easily. Magnus’ magic is sparking and angry, ready to turn anyone that gets in their way to ashes. 

He storms in and heads for the sounds of voices. There’s a barrage of arrows when they turn down the right hallway that Magnus easily deflects, curling his hand to capture the Nephilim in their own fires, their screams tearing from their throats. Magnus feels no mercy towards them, moving past them and into the room they’d been guarding. It’s clearly set up for an angel summoning, a symbol drawn on the wooden floor in chalk, a dozen shadowhunters standing around it. 

Magnus’ eyes are drawn to the jar beside the biggest shadowhunter, very purposefully centered at the top of the symbol. Inside the jar is a haze of green and brown and blue. Somehow Magnus knows this is Alec’s soul. And he needs to protect it.

As the circle members raise their weapons, Magnus lets his instincts take over. He sends a powerful blast of red magic across the room, instantly incinerating the five shadowhunters. It leaves Alec’s soul unharmed- his magic knows that soul intimately. 

The moment the threat is gone, Magnus is racing to the jar, pulling the lid off it, feeling tears stinging at his eyes. The little soul lifts out of the jar on wings that Magnus hadn’t realized it had, raising to wrap itself tightly around Magnus’ ring finger, the tips of the wings brushing his wedding band.

“Alec,” Magnus whispers, overwhelmed by the fact that this is his husband’s purest essence, vulnerable and strong and still so loving. 

“Magnus, what-”

He spins around and finds Jace and Izzy at the doorway, surveying the damage. He sees the relief in their faces and postures when their eyes land on the little soul wrapped around his finger. 

“Is that-” Izzy starts with wide eyes.

“Alec,” Jace confirms. 

They both rush towards it and Magnus can’t help raising his other hand protectively around the orb. He knows neither of them would ever hurt Alec, but he’s still on high alert. Alec’s soul flutters in his hand, a gentle reassurance and he slowly lowers the hand. 

Alec’s soul unwraps one wing from his finger, stretching it out towards his siblings. Jace leans in first, touching the wing ever so gently with his forefinger. There are tears shining in his eyes as he touches a streak of light blue and gold. It matches the heterochromia of his eyes. “Part of my soul,” he explains to the rest of them. Alec’s soul stretches the wing away from Jace, towards Izzy, the other wing still wrapped tightly around Magnus’ finger.

Izzy steps forward and reaches out with a shaking head to stroke the wing. “I’m so sorry Alec.” That makes the little soul release Magnus’ finger so it can settle in Izzy’s palm, nuzzling her fingers. She lets out a choked out sound as tears streak down her cheeks. “We tried, I swear, we tried.” Alec’s soul nuzzles her finger until she bites her lip and stops crying. Magnus thinks perhaps he should leave, give her some privacy, but he can’t leave when this is all he has left of Alec. 

The moment Izzy manages to quell her tears, Alec’s soul is flapping its wings and wrapping around Magnus’ ring finger again. He uses his other hand to gently stroke it. It feels like a mass of energy more than a physical thing, but it feels like _Alec_ too. It’s warm, exerting the same protectiveness and comfort Alec had always prioritized when interacting with his loved ones.

He wants to apologize, wants to tell Alec how sorry he is like Izzy had, but he knows he’s on the verge of crying already. So he pushes back the emotions and looks to the shadowhunters in front of him. “What now?”

Jace’s expression scrunches up and he turns away- an entirely foreboding sign. Izzy purses her lips, traces the whip-turned-bracelet around her wrist, and finds the words. “Now Alec has to move on. To the next stage of existence. The angels will be expecting him.”

At those words, Alec’s soul clutches tighter to Magnus. His stomach twists because he knows exactly how it feels. He’s not sure Alec could ever be anything like he was again- no amount of magic could fix this- but he doesn’t want to give him up. 

“How- how does he do that?” Magnus asks, wrapping his other hand around Alec’s soul, shielding it, protecting it. It’s so fragile compared to the six foot angel-blooded body it had inhabited. 

“I have no idea. But, I think Alec knows how to move on, he just doesn’t want to leave.”

“Then he doesn’t have to,” Jace says, folding his arms over his chest. 

Izzy turns to him with narrowed eyes. “He can’t stay here like that, he’s defenseless. What happens if a demon gets to him? We can’t let him be entirely destroyed, you know what that would mean.”

Jace flinches like Isabelle has punched him and goes silent.

“Just a little while,” Magnus says softly, offering a compromise. “Let me take him home to say goodbye. Let his sons say goodbye to him. I’ll protect him and make sure he moves on.”

Izzy bites her lip, clearly hesitant, but after a moment she nods. “Okay. But Magnus, make sure he does. I can’t stress how important it is that he moves on, but it’s the only way his soul can stay in existence.”

“I understand.” It hurts to know he’ll have to say goodbye to what’s left of Alec, but it’s clear the soul was not meant for this plane of existence when it had no body to protect it.

“Can I… Can I see him one more time?”

Magnus lowers his hand so Izzy can brush her finger against Alec’s soul. “Ave atque vale, Alec.” She turns and storms out. Magnus thinks it’s to hide the tears he can see brewing in her eyes.

“Can I have a minute with him? Just one,” Jace asks quietly, one hand still pressed to his parabatai rune. Alec’s soul flutters so Magnus holds it out though he wants to cup it safely in his hands and keep it out of reach of everyone. 

Alec’s soul flies over to land in Jace’s palm and Magnus forces himself to leave the room, to give them a bit of privacy. He can’t imagine it’s any easier for Jace to say goodbye to Alec than it is for him. 

Outside the room, he leans against the wall and tilts his head back against it, taking big, desperate breaths in an attempt to calm himself. This is not how he expected his day to go when Alec had texted and said he was on his way home. A sharp shred of regret pricks at Magnus’ heart and he regrets not having made a portal for his husband. Neither of them had expected anything like this, of course they hadn’t, and Alec had felt like walking, but Magnus _should have insisted._ All of this could have been avoided if he’d just made the portal and told Alec he didn’t want dinner to get cold.

Before he can spiral too far into his own guilt, Jace is stepping out and Alec’s soul is wrapping around his finger again. Jace watches with bloodshot eyes before turning away. “Call me when he leaves?”

“I will,” Magnus promises, selfishly relieved to have the soul back in his own hands. “Call me if you need anything. Even to talk.”

Jace nods, but Magnus doubts he’ll take him up on the offer. The shadowhunter strides off down the hallway so Magnus opens a portal, whispering to Alec’s soul, “Let’s go home.” He knows it’s the last time he’ll be saying those words to his husband, but the warmth around his finger is a steady comfort that keeps the tears at bay- for now at least.

Magnus steps through the portal into the hall outside his loft. He needs a moment to breathe, a moment before he puts himself- and his family- through a whole other kind of hell. He’s dreading what’s to come. How is he supposed to explain this to Rafael, only nine and already having lost one set of parents? How is he supposed to explain it to Max, barely four and so determined to be just like his fathers?

For a brief second Magnus considers attempting to convince Alec to leave now. So he can make up a story, something softer, something to soothe the hurt. But he’s not sure such a thing is possible and he knows Alec would never go for it anyways. 

So he takes another breath, runs his thumb over the orb of energy around his finger, and reaches to open the door. The moment it’s open the lovely sound of his children’s excitement fills his ears. It makes him want to cry, knowing what he’s about to tell them. He cups his hand around Alec’s soul, hiding it from sight.

“Papa’s home!” Max yells out, being the first to make it into the living room. He runs straight into Magnus’ legs, wrapping his arms around them, burying his face in Magnus’ knee. It’s nearing eleven am but he’s still dressed in onesie pajamas.

Rafael rounds the corner next, also dressed in pajamas. He blinks at Magnus, glancing around him. “Where’s Dad?”

Magnus lifts his hand to show Alec’s soul as Maryse turns the corner. Her eyes flicker to his hands and her face pales. Her hand flies to her mouth, tears streaming silently. She rushes forward, gently taking Alec’s soul into her palms. Once, Magnus wouldn’t have believed Maryse Lightwood was capable of showing such emotion. He knows better now. He can’t imagine being in her position, holding Rafe’s soul- no, that’s a thought he can’t go down right now. 

Maryse whispers to Alec’s soul as Rafael moves closer to hug Magnus. Both boys are staring at Alec’s soul and the way Maryse is cradling it. 

“What is it?” Max asks, tilting his head. 

Maryse meets Magnus’ eyes, face lined with tears. “How is he still here? He shouldn’t- he can’t be here like this.”

“He had to say goodbye,” Magnus answers vaguely. Maryse’s eyebrows crease, but it’s enough for her. She transfers Alec’s soul back to Magnus, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. She looks to the increasingly-confused boys. “Would you like me to stay for this?”

“If it’s alright, would you mind letting me explain and then watching them a little longer?”

“Of course.” She tugs Magnus into a much needed hug. “I’ll be in the hallway, just call me in when you need me.”

“Thank you Maryse.”

She nods and lets herself out. Magnus turns to his sons. “Let’s sit down.”

They follow him without complaint, sitting on either side of him on the sofa, sandwiching him between them, both staring at Alec’s fluttering soul. 

“Daddy got hurt today,” Magnus starts, already having to force the words out. “Really badly hurt.”

“Is he okay?” Rafael asks, eyes widening with panic. 

Magnus swallows hard. “Daddy’s body is dead, but this is his soul,” he sees the distressed confusion on Max’s face and continues, “it’s what made Daddy, Daddy. He’s just not protected by his body anymore.”

Rafe reaches out a hand and Alec’s soul instantly flutters into it, wrapping a wing around his pointer finger. Rafael brings it up to eye-level to study it. “Shadowhunter souls are the same as our eye colors. They taught us that in class.”

Max leans over Magnus so he can study Alec’s soul, little face twisted up in thought. “Okay. We can make him a little bed like Meow has.”

Magnus sucks in a pained breath because, _oh, of course Max thought Alec was staying._ Before Magnus can gently correct him, Rafael is shaking his head, eyes welling with tears as he holds Alec’s soul close, being gentle even as he does. “He has to leave, Max.”

“What- why?” Max looks to Magnus for an answer.

Magnus swallows and wraps an arm around his son. “He’s not safe here, like this. He could get hurt and that would be really, really bad.”

“When will he come back?” Max asks, already starting to get upset.

“He’s going to the angels,” Rafael answers vaguely, tears beginning to fall. Magnus pulls him in closer with his other arms, holding his children closer.

“No!” Max kicks his feet and holds out his hands for Alec’s soul. It flutters into his palms. “I don’t want him to leave!”

Magnus presses a kiss to wavy blue hair. “I’m sorry Maxie, there’s nothing we can do to keep him here. But you know he loves you so much, he doesn’t want to leave.”

“Why does he have to?” Max asks, tears staining his cheeks, snot dripping from his nose. “Why can’t we just hide him?”

Magnus is ashamed to admit he considers it for a second. Rafael is the one to answer. “Shadowhunter souls have to move on, they _have to_.”

“But- but- but,” Max tucks his face into Magnus’ side and hands Alec’s soul back to his brother. “Please Papa.”

Magnus has to close his eyes to hold back the tears. He’s never felt so utterly useless, so unable to do anything to help his family. What is the worth of four centuries and an almost endless supply of magic at your disposal if it can’t be used to help moments like these?

“I wish there was something we could do, Max. I’m going to miss him too. But you know he’ll be watching over you.”

Max is sobbing now, loud and unabashed. Alec’s soul flutters to rest in his hair and Magnus knows he wishes there was more he could do. Rafael is crying silently at Magnus’ other side.

“I brought him home so you two could say goodbye and tell him anything you need to tell him before he leaves.”

Rafael nods and speaks through his tears, clutching at Magnus’ shirt, but staring at Alec’s soul. “Graçias, Daddy. Thank you for giving me a new family and a brother and a home. I love you.”

Max sniffles and follows his brother’s example, voice slightly muffled by Magnus’ clothing. “I love you Daddy.”

Magnus holds them tighter and bites hard on his lip so he can hold on a little longer. He’ll cry later.

Magnus holds them until Max cries himself to sleep and Rafael slinks off to his room. Then Magnus retrieves Maryse who gives him another hug and picks up Max to take him to his bed and to check on Rafael. Magnus never thought he’d be so grateful for his mother-in-law.

While she cares for the kids, Magnus takes Alec’s soul to their bedroom. He wants Alec’s last moments on earth to be somewhere he’s comfortable. He wishes he could have done the same for Alec’s physical form.

Magnus sits on the edge of their bed- soon to be his bed again- and holds Alec’s soul in his hands. It’s content to hold tight to his ring finger again. 

“Alexander,” he can’t help that his voice comes out in a whisper, even as he tries to stay strong. This is for Alec’s sake. “I’m going to miss you more than you know, sayang. You gave me the best years of my very long life. Marrying you, raising our children with you- nothing will ever beat that. I wish we could have had longer together, but I will forever be grateful for the time we had together. I wouldn’t change that for the world.”

Alec’s soul unwraps from his finger and flies up towards his face, using one of it’s little wings to brush at the tears streaking his face. Magnus huffs a sad laugh, but it’s enough for the tears to abate, for the moment at least. “Thank you darling.” 

Alec’s soul flutters back into his hand, wrapping around his ring finger once more. 

“You know I would keep you with me if I could,” Magnus says softly, curling his free hand into the duvet. “But you have to move on.”

Wings flutter out and give a clear shake before wrapping around his finger again. Magnus snorts, of course Alec is still finding a way to argue with him. His shadowhunter is so stubborn. 

“I can’t protect you like this. I could never forgive myself if something happened to your soul, I need to know that you get peace, that you’re still out there, somewhere. Please, Alexander, for me.”

Alec’s soul doesn’t openly oppose him this time. He supposes that’s something like success. 

“I will love you for the rest of my days, Alexander Lightwood-Bane.” He’s never made such a promise before, but he means it. Whether he lives another eighty years or another eight hundred, his love won’t fade. He has to whisper the next words, each one carving into his heart. “Ave atque vale.”

Alec’s soul blinks out of sight and Magnus collapses onto their bed- _his bed-_ and muffles his sobs in a pillow that still smells like Alec. He wonders if there’s a way to make that last. He’ll cling to every last piece of Alec that he possibly can. 

Magnus calls Jace to tell him that Alec is truly gone. The call is short, both of their voices choked with tears. The next day, Isabelle stops by with a letter. Catarina is the one to answer the door and accept it, staying with Magnus to help him with Rafe and Max while they grieve. He hears the knock and the hushed conversation from where he’s huddled in bed, Rafe and Max at his sides. He’d set up a television near the foot of the bed and it’s playing cartoons, but Magnus isn’t sure any of them are paying much attention. He knows he should get up, should encourage his children to do _something_ , but he can’t find the energy. It’s taking all he has not to openly sob in front of them.

Catarina comes into the bedroom a moment later, an envelope in her hand. She comes to stand by the bed so she can hand it to Magnus. He sits up and accepts it when he sees his name written on it in Alec’s distinctive handwriting. 

“Isabelle just dropped this off for you.”

Magnus knows what it is right away. Alec was a soldier and soldiers always kept ‘in case of death’ letters for their loved ones. He knows he can’t read it in front of his sons so he looks to Cat, “Can you watch them? I’m going to read it on the balcony.”

Max rolls over and clings to his arm. “No! Don’t leave Papa! Please!”

Magnus pulls him into a hug, pressing a kiss to his hair. “Don’t worry, blueberry, I’ll be right back, promise. Let Aunt Cat watch TV with you for just a minute?”

Max frowns until Cat offers to summon a plate of brownies. He still looks unsure, a testament to just how upset he is, but he slowly lets go of Magnus and scoots over to make room for Catarina. Cat grips Magnus’ shoulder and gives a comforting squeeze. “I’m here for you.”

“Thank you,” he replies, giving her a grateful smile. It falls short, but she seems to appreciate the effort. She makes herself comfortable on the bed, summoning the promised brownies, while Magnus makes his way out to the balcony, not bothering to change out of his pajamas. What’s the point?

Outside, Magnus sits on one of the long chairs that he and Alec had loved to cuddle up on. He holds the envelope in his hands and stars at it for a moment, wondering if he’s strong enough to read whatever it is Alec has left for him. But he can’t _not_ read it. 

So, with a bit of apprehension in his chest, he turns the envelope over and breaks the seal. He finds three folded papers inside. The first one is addressed to him, the second to Rafe and the third to Max. He puts the last two back in the envelopes for the time being and unfolds his own letter. 

_Dear Magnus Lightwood-Bane,_

_If you’re reading this then something bad has obviously happened- or you’ve snuck into my office and smuggled it out of my desk drawer- I wouldn’t be surprised. I really hope that’s what happened. I don’t want to leave you. Ever._

_But, just in case something happens, I need to write this letter for you. I need to tell you everything I tried to show you every day, but sometimes I forgot and sometimes I let emotions get in the way and for that I apologize. I only wanted to give you the best, to be the best for you. I hope you know I did my best._

_I want to write about my happiest time with you, but there’s too many to choose from. I loved every moment. And I know, as I’m writing this, that I’ll love every moment still to come, so long as I get to spend them with you. Is that too cheesy? Sorry, love, I can’t help it._

_If this is really my last chance to communicate with you, to tell you something, I need to get somber. I need you to promise me you won’t find yourself on another bridge. Please, Magnus. Cry for me, mourn me, wear all black for as long as you want, but hold on. There is still so much life left for you. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose you so I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through, but I need you to remember it will get better. You’re the strongest person I know, you can do this. Just remember how much I love you. I will love you forever, even if I don’t live that long. I don’t think something as small as death could end my love for you._

_Please believe me when I tell you, you will be happy again. You will love again. You will get through this. I know you, I know how strong and capable you are. So I need you to keep living, for me- for you. For our family, our sons. Teach them to be strong like you. Let it be my last wish if that’s what it takes._

_You are, without a doubt, the best person I ever met. You are the perfect husband, the perfect father, and I’m so grateful I got to raise a family with you. Never forget how much I love you. I know you’ll move on and that’s okay, Magnus. I want you to be happy. Whatever it takes._

_Thank you for being my light, my love, my heart._

_I love you more than you’ll ever know._

_Thank you for loving me,_

_-Alexander Lightwood-Bane_

_(PS, give the letters to Rafe and Max when you think they’re old enough. Tell them every day how much I love them. Remind yourself every day how much I love you. Aku Cinta Kamu.)_

Magnus folds the letter carefully, slides it back into the envelope and curls into himself to sob into his knees. He prays for the strength to fulfill Alec’s wishes when his heart feels like it’s being shredded all over again. 

  
  


The next week is the hardest in Magnus’ very long life. He relies on Catarina and Madzie, now seventeen, to help him take care of Rafael and Max. He manages one shower. It takes more effort than he’d ever imagined. He forces himself to get out of bed at least once a day, to be there for his sons. They sleep in his bed with him every night. He waits till they’re sleeping to cry himself to sleep. 

Eight days after Alec’s death, there’s an unexpected knock at the loft’s door. Magnus is sitting in the living room, the Chairman on his lap, watching as Rafe practices runes and Max uses his magic to attempt to change the color of one of the walls. He usually ends up more colorful than the wall, but it’s all in good fun.

Catarina has stepped out to help a client- one of Magnus’ clients- and his first instinct is to panic upon hearing the knock. He’s not prepared to socialize. He’s still in pajamas, he hasn’t worn anything but pajamas, he’s wearing no makeup, and his hair is flat against his forehead. More than that, he doesn’t know what he’d say to someone. 

There’s another knock, sounding more urgent and Rafael pauses in his tracing to look at Magnus. “Aren’t you going to answer it?”

Magnus nods, forcing himself off the couch, letting the Chairman run over to distract Max from his magic. He heads for the door, internally debating if the effort of using magic to clean up his appearance is worth it. 

He sighs and waves his hand to change his clothing into something less wrinkled and better smelling. It’s one of Alec’s hoodies and a pair of sweatpants, but it’s something. Another wave to apply eyeliner, his tiger stripes as he’d once told Alec, not bothering with his hair. 

He tugs open the door, ready to berate someone for showing up unannounced, only to stop in his tracks. Because either someone is attacking him while using a spell or shapeshifting rune, or he’s actually gone crazy.

Alec is standing on the other side of the door, all 6’2 of him, in the clothes he’d worn the day he died. 

Magnus summons his magic to his hands, well aware of his children in the living room. “Who are you?”

“Magnus, it’s me, I can explain-”

He _sounds_ like Alec and it’s tearing Magnus apart. He twists his hand and launches a blast of purple magic at the Alec look-alike, scanning for magic. He doesn’t find any spells or cloaking magic. But _runes._

“Where’s your shapeshifting rune?” He practically growls, preparing to cast something much more dangerous in the intruder’s direction.

Fake-Alec holds up his hands in a gesture of surrender and Magnus’ stomach twists when he sees the wedding ring on Fake-Alec’s left hand. He doesn’t know where the shadowhunter, because what else could this person be, got such an accurate looking duplicate, but he doesn’t care.

“Magnus, use your magic, you know me, you know my soul, you held my soul in your hands.”

Magnus narrows his eyes. A shadowhunter that had been on the mission perhaps? Still, he lets his magic seek out a soul, reading the nephilim’s energy. He nearly collapses when he finds something so heart-wrenchingly familiar. He lets his magic fizzle away. “Alexander?”

“It’s me,” Alec confirms, voice almost a whisper, hazel eyes shining. “I can explain everything, I swear-”

But Magnus doesn’t need an explanation. He needs his husband. He closes the space between them and wraps his arms around Alec, holding tightly to the Nephilim. He smells like sandalwood and death, but he’s warm and solid and alive. Alec’s arms come around him, holding him closer. “I’ve got you Mags, I’m here.”

Magnus holds him until he hears a small voice from behind him. “Papa?” 

He turns enough to see Rafael and Max standing at the entrance of the living room, watching them with wide eyes. Max screeches and runs full-speed at Alec who catches him with shadowhunter reflexes and lifts him to hug him close. “Hey Max, I missed you too blueberry.”

Rafael is more cautious, glancing between Magnus and Alec. “Papa? Is it- is it Dad?”

Magnus nods. “It’s him.”

“How?”

Magnus looks to Alec, still holding him around the waist, unwilling to let go- possibly ever again. Alec swallows. “It’s a long story, mijo. But I’m back, for good.”

That seems to be enough for Rafe because he follows his younger brother’s example and breaks into a run to throw his arms around Alec. Alec settles Max against his right side, using his left arm to wrap around Rafe, stroking through his shaggy hair. Magnus is almost jealous of his own children when it means Alec can no longer hold him. 

“You smell bad,” Max mumbles against Alec’s shoulder, drawing a surprised laugh from the nephilim.

“Sorry, I came straight here when I woke up. I guess I need a shower.”

Magnus snaps his fingers, instantly cleaning Alec and changing him into a fresh set of clothes. “No need! Why don’t we sit and you can explain how exactly you’re here?”

Alec nods, shepherding the children that have latched onto him towards the living room. 

They end up all smushed onto the same couch, Rafe on one side of Alec, Magnus on the other, Max on his lap. None of them are quite ready to let go yet. 

“Okay,” Alec takes a breath, adjusting slightly so he can press his side closer to Magnus’. “I think I need to start by telling you about Nephilim souls.”

“Dad!” Rafe gasps, looking up at him. “That’s not allowed!”

“It’s okay, I got a… an exception.” 

Magnus watches the exchange with increased confusion. He’s definitely missing something. 

Alec turns to him, “Most shadowhunters are old souls. We’re reincarnated so new shadowhunters are rare. It’s- no one really knows how it works or why, but we all know that reincarnation is just another part of our existence. We’re forbidden from talking about it, by angelic law. It’s never been proven, as far as I know, but talking about it with non-Nephilim is punishable by breaking the resurrection cycle. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I couldn’t risk it, couldn’t risk getting your hopes up and then not coming back because I wanted to comfort you.”

“Okay…” Magnus trails, trying to wrap his head around what Alec has just told him. Normally he’d be more interested in learning about it, but right now, “That still doesn’t explain how you’re here, exactly as you were. Doesn’t reincarnation include a new body and a memory wipe?” He knows he’s right about the first part, at least, or Downworlders would’ve noticed that Shadowhunters never _really_ died a long time ago. 

To Magnus’ surprise, Alec’s lips tilt in a small smirk. “After I remembered everything, all my past lives, I realized the angels owed me. I appealed to their original purpose being to love and they granted my wish.”

“Which was?”

Alec tilts his head enough to gently rest it atop Magnus’. “I wasn’t ready to leave you.” He holds his sons tighter to him. “Any of you. I knew I wouldn’t ever be ready. My reincarnation cycle is broken, but they granted me immortality.”

Magnus feels dizzy at that. Had Alec chosen to become immortal before all of this, Magnus might have tried to persuade him otherwise, would have shown him all the downsides of living forever. Now, he can’t feel anything but overwhelming gratitude. Losing Alexander once had hurt him more than anything, he can’t imagine going through it again.

The door to the loft opens and Catarina steps in, only to freeze with her eyes on Alec. “Magnus, what did you do?”

Magnus can’t summon the strength to even pretend to care that Cat’s first instinct is to blame him. He’s sure his awe is apparent in his voice when he answers, “The angels gave him back.”

“A bit simplified, but not wrong,” Alec muses. He stands carefully, setting Max on the couch, so he can greet Cat, pulling her into a one-sided hug- Cat too stumped to really return it. “Thank you for being here when I couldn’t.”

When he pulls back, Catarina still looks uncertain, but her features have softened. She sighs, “I’m going to need a longer explanation later. I should get out of here and give you some time alone.”

“Actually,” Magnus shoots up. “Would you mind watching the kids just a little longer? I need to speak to Alec alone.”

Alec raises an eyebrow at him, but doesn’t question it or argue. Max is a different story, tearing up where he’s clutching Rafe’s arm on the couch. “Daddy is leaving again?”

Magnus doesn’t think he’s ever seen Alec move faster than he does in that moment, landing on his knees before the couch, taking Max’s hand in one of his, Rafe’s in the other, meeting their eyes with a solemn expression. “I’m so sorry I scared you guys, but I’m never leaving like that again, okay? I’m here. I just need to talk to Papa for a minute. How about you watch one TV show and I’ll promise to be back before it ends?”

It takes a little more convincing, and the promise of going out to ice cream after, before Rafe and Max both agree. Magnus thanks Catarina again before taking his husband’s hand in his own, threading their fingers together and leading him to the bedroom. 

The second the door shuts behind them, Magnus is collapsing into Alec, wrapping his arms around the shadowhunter’s body, burying his face in Alec’s chest, breathing in his familiar scent, curling his fingers into fabric and blinking back tears of relief.

Alec doesn’t protest, simply holding Magnus, rubbing a large palm over his back. “Hey, I’ve got you.”

Magnus nuzzles Alec’s deflect rune, trying to calm himself. “You’re really immortal?”

“Yeah,” Alec sounds a little disbelieving, like he’s still coming to terms with it. “Yeah, I’m never leaving you again.”

“Are you- how do you know you won’t regret it?”

Alec sucks in a sharp inhale and steps back, forcing space between them. “Mags, look at me.”

Magnus lifts his chin, knowing his glamour is down, his eyes watery. When he meets Alec’s gaze, he finds it soft and serious. 

“I won’t regret it. I could never regret more time with you. Watching Max grow up and learn how to use his magic, watching Rafael get his first rune, seeing them grow up and find loves of their own.”

“And what about when Rafe’s time comes?” The words hurt him to say, especially so soon after losing Alec, and he can see the echoing hurt on Alec’s face, but it needs to be asked.

Alec licks his lips, takes a breath. “I’ll have you. And the knowledge that his soul will come back some day.”

Magnus nods. It is an odd bit of comfort to know that Nephilim are reincarnated. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.” Magnus leans up and presses their lips together, relaxing into the familiarity of the motion. When he leans back, he adds, “There’s no one else I’d rather spend eternity with.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this didn't hurt too badly and I love you all, thank you for reading!


End file.
